


i'm calling out for you

by eleftheriawrites



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Little smut, M/M, doesn't follow exact path of s3 but similar, s3 based, side bellarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5919976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleftheriawrites/pseuds/eleftheriawrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I care about you. I'm not ever leaving you, don't you get that?"</p><p>"You already have."</p><p>or, Monty loves Miller, but Miller has a boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! This is my first Minty fic, so I hope you like it :) It's based off of some events in s3, but it's not exactly the same. Enjoy!

The air was warm, peculiar weather for a day in mid-autumn. The former arkers strolled around the small territory in short-sleeved shirts instead of long sleeves, and even the guards had their jacket sleeves scrunched up to their elbows.

Monty didn’t like days like these. Warm ones, to be more clear. They reminded him of Mount Weather; it was always warm in there. And Mount Weather reminded him of what he did. He killed them.

Well, not directly. He didn’t exactly aim a gun at each of their heads and pull the trigger. But, then again, he kind of did. He made it possible for their lungs to deflate and not inflate _ever again._

Of course, nobody knew of Monty’s inner struggle. 

His best friend–or former one–was no longer speaking to him. Because Monty killed his girlfriend. Again, not directly. She was in Mount Weather.

Clarke had left camp after she pulled the lever that halted oxygen flow into Mount Weather and Bellamy was too busy distracting himself from the fact that he too pulled that lever and from the fact that Clarke was nowhere to be seen. 

Then there was Miller. Monty could no way in hell talk about his struggle with Miller. Well, with little problems, maybe. But definitely not Mount Weather struggles. He couldn’t blatantly discuss how he killed hundreds of people to the boy he was basically in love with.

Okay, maybe ‘in love with’ was a bit of a stretch. Monty had strong feelings for Miller was probably a better way of saying it. 

Miller was just–in Monty’s words– _perfect._ He was moody and didn’t show many emotions, but he _smiled_ with Monty. He didn’t let his tough boy façade overshadow his real self when he was with Monty. At least, most of the time.

And Monty wanted so badly to tell Miller what he was battling with, but he couldn’t handle the thought of Miller treating him differently. Deep down, of course, Monty knows that Miller wouldn’t treat him differently, but Monty’s hectic brain never did him much good. 

Everyone knew what Monty did, how his knowledge of technology helped him kill all those people. They congratulated him and thanked him for it, and they knew what he did. But no one seemed to see how he was dealing with it.

“Hey, Monty!” A voice called from the perimeter, only mere yards away from where Monty was leaning against the medical center. 

Monty recognized the voice immediately, and he turned his head towards Miller. “Hi, Nate,” he replied, oh so softly but audible enough for Miller to hear, and gave the boy a smile.

Monty noticed the faint twitches of a smile at the ends of Miller’s mouth, something that always seemed to appear when Monty called him by his first name.

“Come keep me company. I’m bored and I’m stuck on duty without anyone,” his lips quirked up into a small smile, barely noticeable to anyone but Monty. 

“Yeah, okay,” Monty offered a smile back and the two started back to Miller’s original position.

“Monty!” A sigh came from said boy when he heard his name shouted from behind them. 

“Yes, Bellamy?” He replied reluctantly while turning around.

“We need your help. Now.”

Monty looked over at Miller, almost for permission to go, and Miller nodded.

“It’s fine. I’ll catch up with you later,” Miller said and made Monty’s heart nearly jump out of his chest. 

“Thanks, Nate,” he gave him a smile quickly before following after Bellamy.

“You need to learn how to be less obvious,” Bellamy chuckled and shook his head.

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone can tell that you’re in love with him, Monty.”

“I’m not in love with him,” Monty replied defensively, and very unconvincingly. But, really, he wasn’t in love with him. _(Yet.)_

“Mhm,” Bellamy’s smirk grew and Monty knocked their shoulders together. 

“Whatever. What do you need help with?”

“We need you to fix the car radio. Raven’s finally resting and we don’t want to bother her.”

Monty sputtered. “ _That’s_ what you interrupted me for?!”

“Yes,” Bellamy replied warily. “We’re going to Sector 7 tomorrow, so I figured it’d be nice to have some music on the way. You know, to calm the nerves.”

“Sector 7?” Monty’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why would we go to Sector 7?” 

“We think Farm Station might be-”

“Farm Station? That’s where-” Monty interrupted.

“Where you’re from, I know. And Miller’s boyfriend’s from there, too.” He sent a slight glare to Monty that the boy didn’t notice.

“Boyfriend,” he mumbled under his breath and only allowed himself a few seconds to be upset.

He should’ve known that Miller had someone on the Ark. _Look at him_ , Monty thought.

“Uh,” Monty said, his brows still furrowed and mind still cluttered. “When are we leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning. Be ready by 8, okay?” Bellamy continued to stare at Monty.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll just, uh, go fix the radio,” he pointed his thumb toward the vehicle and walked off, leaving Bellamy behind.

It took only minutes to fix the simple contraption with Monty’s knowledge, and he walked aimlessly when he was done.

He wound up outside of the perimeter of the camp after convincing one of the guards to let him roam free, and he found himself sitting against one of the bigger, taller trees that he sometimes came to with Miller.

He let himself explore his thoughts, considering he rarely got opportunities like these–to be alone and just _think._

Of course, the moment was ruined within seconds by–take a guess–the boy Monty was pining after.

“Mm, I knew I’d find you here,” Miller greeted with a smirk and Monty couldn’t help it. He smiled. 

“You know me so well, Nate,” Monty joked, and again, the small flickers of a genuine smile.

“Mhm,” he hummed and sat next to Monty.

This was why they liked this tree. It was wide enough for both of them to sit next to each other, and Monty especially liked it because it wasn’t so wide that they didn’t have to squish together to fit.

“Aren’t you on guard duty?” Monty asked and turned his head at the same time that Miller did, making him suck in a quiet breath at their close proximity. Monty thought he saw a small smile on Miller’s face.

“I got Bellamy to cover for me. You gotta have someone to protect you out here,” another smirk appeared and it took all of Monty’s strength not to lean forward and kiss him right on the mouth.

Monty was speechless at his last comment.

“Now, why don’t you tell me why you’re out here all alone?” He gave Monty a pointed look.

“Just thinking.”

“About?”

 _You._ “Nothing specific.”

“Are you okay?”

 _No_. “Did you hear about Farm Station?” Monty said instead.

A pause. “What about it?” Miller stared at Monty with wide eyes.

“Bellamy said they might be in Sector 7. We’re going tomorrow,” Monty waited for a comment about his boyfriend, but it didn’t come.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Monty couldn’t help himself. “Isn’t your boyfriend from there?”

Miller looked shocked at the question. “Uh, yeah. You’re from there, too, right?”

“Mhm,” Monty hummed. They sat in silence. Monty didn’t know for how long.

A shout of Miller’s name replenished the noise and both boys stood.

They walked back to camp at a fast pace, again in silence. It wasn’t awkward silence, though. It was comfortable.

“Hey, Miller!” _Jasper._

“Jordan,” Miller nodded and glanced quickly over at Monty, who was next to him with a nervous expression. 

“I have a question for _you_ ,” Jasper groggily pointed his finger into Miller’s chest.

Monty sighed, frustrated. “You’re drunk again, aren’t you?”

“Hey, now,” Jasper moved his finger to point into Monty’s chest, now. “I wasn’t talking to you.”

“C’mon, let’s get you to medical,” Monty reached out to wrap an arm around Jasper, but the intoxicated boy pushed the arm away.

“Don’t you touch me,” he spat and backed away from them.

“Jas,-” 

“No! No. Don’t you call me that. You killed her. You killed her!” Jasper’s voice grew loud and raspy, drawing the attention of the people surrounding them. Monty almost didn’t notice when Miller’s voice tried to yell over Jasper’s.

“Jordan, don’t say another word!” Monty barely heard Miller say and he felt a hand on his shoulder–Miller’s hand–but it felt like it wasn’t even there.

Jasper’s voice still prevailed over the others. “This is your fault. You did this. You’re the reason she’s dead, you son of a-”

“Jasper!” Bellamy appeared right before the curse word could leave Jasper’s mouth. “Let’s go, buddy.”

He wrapped an arm around Jasper’s shoulders–this one he didn’t push away–and guided him to medical, but only after three more words could be spoken by Monty’s former best friend. 

“You’re a murderer.”

Monty just stared after him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read and given kudos :) It is greatly appreciated! Sorry that this chapter is kinda short, but I'll make sure the next updates are longer!

Monty kept his distance from everyone after Jasper’s exclamation of his feelings on Monty. Even from Miller, he kept his distance. 

It’d been a few hours since the incident and nightfall had come. Monty sat alone in his tent, waiting for sleep to take over.

It didn’t, leaving Monty with one option left: to take a walk.

He snuck out of camp to his tree–the second time in a day–and didn’t expect anyone to see him, considering the pitch black surrounding him.

He brought a flashlight and only turned it on after he broke through the tree line.

“Apparently I _do_ know you well.”

The gasp that emitted from Monty’s mouth couldn’t have been louder when he heard the sudden burst of Miller’s voice.

“What the hell, Nate!” He whispered and shined his flashlight on the smug boy.

“Hi, Monty,” he chuckled and moved over for Monty to sit. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, ignoring the greeting and sitting down.

“I had an inkling you’d be coming here. And would you look at this, here you are.”

Monty stared at him, dumbfounded. “You came out here because you thought that I would be out here.” He said it as a statement, not a question, but Miller still answered.

“Yes.” Monty almost smiled.

“Go back to bed,” he sighed and shook his head, closing his eyes in the process.

“No, I’m good.”

“Nate,” Monty groaned. “Go.”

“No.”

“Go!” Monty yelled suddenly, shocking both of them.

“Monty,” Miller spoke softly after pausing for a few seconds.

“Please, go,” his voice cracked and it was only mere seconds before his breathing grew erratic.

“Monty,” Miller said softly, again, and put an arm around the smaller boy.

“Please go, please go,” he started to cry and, even though his words said otherwise, he turned his head into Miller’s shoulder. 

“I’m not leaving you, I won’t ever leave you,” Monty sobbed hard into his shoulder and Miller continuously combed his fingers through Monty’s hair.

“It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,” Miller whispered into Monty’s ear.

And Monty loved Nathan Miller.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya guys go! Enjoy :) Also, in the promo for tonight's episode, Jasper called Monty a murderer in almost the same way that I wrote in the first chapter, which I totally freaked out over bc I'll kinda get to see how Monty's real reaction to that will be, which is really interesting to me.
> 
> Anyways, hopefully I'll get another update in before Sunday. My update schedule is an update every two days, if anyone was wondering.

Monty could feel the bumps in the road in his fingertips and in his toes. He sat in the car, clearly distracted from everything going on around him. He focused on the bumps in the road that made him jump in his seat. 

A new thing to focus on was the music. Everyone sang along and smiled, while Monty focused on and nodded to the beat.

Miller was sat next to him, singing along and occasionally knocking his and Monty’s knees together, almost like a reminder that he was there. 

Monty felt Miller grab his arm and only focused for a second while Miller _serenaded_ him.

He heard the words ‘make love to you’, and Monty almost combusted right then and there. 

_Stay calm, Monty. Calm._

The music halted, as did the car, and Monty leaned forward to look out the windshield.

“Out of the car!” A person said–the person standing in front of the car. They held a gun. 

In seconds, they were all standing outside with guns aimed at each of their heads.

“Wait. Wait!” One of the masked gunmen yelled. “Monty? Is that you?”

“Mom?” Monty exclaimed and the woman took off her mask. “Mom!”

The two embraced and the gunmen lowered their weapons and too unmasked their faces.

“Bryan?” Monty heard Miller’s voice and subtly turned his head while engulfed in his mother’s arms.

“Nathan!” A boy with wavy brown hair ran towards Miller and jumped–literally _jumped_ –into his arms.

Monty looked away.

His boyfriend, Monty presumed.

“Um,” he shook his head, almost like he was trying to rid the image from his memory. “Where’s Dad?”

“Oh, Monty,” his mother’s voice was sympathetic, and he knew. “Your father didn’t make it.”

His mother cradled his cheek in her hand, to comfort him, but he pulled away.

“Oh. Okay,” he didn’t let himself cry. Not again.

They went back to camp shortly after and devise a plan to go back the next day for the rest of Farm Station.

Monty was happy. And he wasn’t. His mother was alive. His father was dead. Miller’s boyfriend was back, conveniently the day after Monty _cried_ on Miller’s shoulder and Miller held him, so close, so intimately. His best friend hated him, and expressed so in front of the whole camp. Everyone gave him stares now.

And he wouldn’t fall apart again. He refused to.

When nightfall came and his mother was asleep, Monty went to his tree again. Though, it wasn’t only _his_ tree, was it? It was _their_ tree–his and Miller’s.

He sat back against the tree and looked out at the camp, where a few campfires still burned and some people still roamed around.

He looked over at the small indent in the dirt to his right and scrunched his nose to stop the stinging in his eyes.

Miller had a boyfriend. And, of course, Monty knew that, but it just felt different. He thought–stupidly–that maybe Miller felt the same way.

He loved Miller, Monty had realized it last night. And Miller had a boyfriend. He loved him and he had a boyfriend, His father was dead. His best friend hated him.

Monty let out a yell and grabbed the nearest thing he could reach–a flashlight– and threw it against the tree across from him. It shattered into pieces. Monty cried.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my longer chapters, I think, so I hope you enjoy! Please give kudos and comments, they are greatly appreciated :)
> 
> I also have a new Minty book that would be awesome for you guys to check out! I think this book will still be my main focus, though, so don't worry!
> 
> Anyways, enjoy!!!

It was difficult for Monty, seeing Miller and his boyfriend–Bryan, it was–around camp together.

It’d only been a few days since Farm Station–or what’s left of it–was brought to Arkadia. More people were happy, seeing as some families were reunited. Some people were sad, when their families and friends from Farm Station were declared deceased. Monty wasn’t happy, or sad.

He was just there.

His mother could tell something was wrong.

Hell, _everything_ was wrong.

But he hated that his mother saw it. He wasn’t the same boy that lived on the Ark. He had seen things, _done_ things, that used to be _unimaginable_ to him.

She wouldn’t ask, though, which he was grateful for and annoyed with at the same time. Nonetheless, he would never tell her what had happened during his time on Earth without her.

Monty was having one of his exceptionally bad days when his mother came into his tent. “Monty, honey, you should really come and eat something,” she said, and he sighed.

“I’m fine, Mom,” he replied and she shook her head.

“Get up.”

“Sorry?”

“Get. Up.” He stood reluctantly. “Come with me.” He followed his mother to the lunch hall. “Now sit down and eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Don’t make me go full on Mother Bear mode.”

“You already have,” Monty mumbled under his breath and she gave him a pointed glare before sighing. She sat down next to him.

“I know that you’ve changed. Don’t act like I didn’t notice. I know that you probably don’t want to talk about it, and I respect that. But I am not going to let you destroy yourself over everything that’s happened to you. Now, you are going to go about whatever you usually do during the day, that isn’t moping around. Okay?”

 _Well then._ Monty definitely hadn’t expected that.

“Okay.”

So he ate.

*****************

There was commotion, out by the entrance. Then he noticed a gurney, and he ran.

_Don’t be Nate. Please, don’t be Nate._

Monty knew some of them were going out searching for Clarke, again, and they didn’t need him. He didn’t know how to handle a gun, after all.

He knew who went out there: _Miller_ , Bellamy, Raven, Kane, and a few guards.

He sighed a breath of relief when he saw Miller holding one end of the gurney, dirty and out of breath.

He immediately took his relief back when he saw Bellamy lying on the hand-made contraption.

“What happened?!” Monty yelled and ran over to the group.

“We found Clarke. Unfortunately, someone found her first,” Monty chose not to ask any more questions after Kane’s answer, and followed them to the medical center.

“He was stabbed in the leg. He’s bleeding, a lot,” Miller told Abby and brought them to set Bellamy down in one of the cots.

She ordered them all out of the small room, except for her assistant, whose name Monty couldn’t remember for the life of him in that moment.

“Are you okay?” Monty hushed worriedly and looked at Nate with the most emotion in his eyes that anyone could ever have. 

Miller glanced over at him with a tired smile. He opened his mouth to reply when, “Nathan!”

 _Of course_ , Monty nearly rolled his eyes when Bryan barged through the medical center doors in a ruckus.

“Hey,” Miller smiled at Bryan, something that made Monty’s eyes drop to the ground.

And he knew he was being unreasonable. Damn it, did he know. But he used to be the only one that could make Miller smile. Hell, that was one of the reasons why Monty _himself_ smiled. Miller smiled around him, and Monty was naïve enough to think that he was special. 

Because Bryan had him first. Bryan knew Miller first and had Miller first and made Miller _smile_ first.

Monty was never the exception.

“I was so worried,” Monty heard Bryan breathe out and from the corner of his eye, he saw them hug.

“I’m gonna, uh, get going,” Monty spoke up awkwardly and the two boys to his right looked up. “Uh, glad that you’re okay,” he added and quickly scurried out the door.

_This was going to take some time to get used to._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to give you guys a little treat this chapter! Enjoy :)

It was cold today, the temperature finally succumbing to what it was supposed to be in mid-autumn.

Monty was on his way to visit Bellamy. The poor bastard almost injured his leg permanently. He’d told Monty what happened: how he’d found Clarke and he was so _close._

Monty felt badly for him. He knew that Bellamy was only with Gina to distract himself from Clarke, and Monty was sad for both of them. _Break up with her_ , he had said the previous day, but Bellamy wouldn’t have any of it.

Monty knew that Bellamy loved Clarke (and not just in the platonic way, either), even though Bellamy couldn’t see it. Blind, the boy was.

“Hey, Bell,” Monty greeted when he walked through the medical center doors. He was still admitted, considering if he wasn’t, he’d probably try to go after Clarke with only one functioning leg. (Which, from what Monty had heard about the trip, he’d already tried to.)

“Monty,” Bellamy limply smiled, and Monty saw the emotional pain behind it. He didn’t mention it.

“Whatcha up to?” He asked _very_ stupidly, and Bellamy chuckled. Monty thought it was a real one. 

“Just reading this book that Gina gave me,” Bellamy looked at Monty a small fraction of a whole different when he said his girlfriend’s name, and Monty sure as hell noticed. 

“Look, Bellamy-”

“I know,” the older boy interrupted the younger one, “I know how I feel about Clarke.”

Monty’s eyebrows rose higher up his forehead. Well, he wasn’t expecting _that._

Bellamy continued. “I, uh- she’s not just a friend to me anymore. I realized that when she- uh, yeah. I’m gonna break up with Gina. Later, I think. Just thought you should know.”

Monty gave him a tight-lipped smile in return. “You don’t have to prove anything to me, Bellamy.” And, then, “We’ll find her. I promise.”

Bellamy didn’t look too convinced by his statement, but nodded anyway, and patted Monty on the shoulder. “What about you? How’re things going with Miller?” The smallest of smirks appeared on Bellamy’s face and Monty groaned.

“Bell, come on.”

“You look miserable when you’re around him and his boyfriend, Monty. You’re too obvious,” Bellamy looked sympathetic, now, and Monty was _not_ here for it.

“It’s _fine_ , Bellamy. I’m fine. It’s just a little crush,” Monty insisted.

 _You’re a liar,_ his self-conscious sang in his head.

“But it’s not just a little crush, anymore, is it?”

Monty looked at Bellamy, letting only the slightest bit of emotion seep into his features.

“I’ll be fine,” he repeated and adopted a stoic expression. “Get better, Bellamy.”

Monty left one last pat on Bellamy’s good leg and exited the medical center.

Monty needed to feel better. He had only two options that were even _vaguely_ possible: drugs, or trees.

Drugs or trees. Drugs or trees. Drugs or trees.

He hadn’t done drugs since the dropship, he thinks. And, really, they _weren’t_ an option. Jasper was the one that was always there when Monty needed a joint-buddy, and he obviously didn’t want to be anywhere _near_ Monty right now.

Then, there was the tree. His tree. His and Miller’s tree. Monty hadn’t been in the woods in… _ages_ , it felt like. It was his safe place, his sanctuary, when the hangar–where he worked on his mechanics–didn’t need him.

Monty sighed before starting towards the tree. Reluctantly, to say the least. He was empty-handed this time, no flashlight in his hand considering the day-time sky.

Again, it took some convincing for the guards at the gate to let him through to the woods, and a few minutes later when he arrived at the tree, he almost regretted not choosing drugs in the first place.

“Nate,” Monty breathed out, and he wasn’t sure if it was in happiness or annoyance. 

There the boy sat, against the tree and hands fiddling with the safety of his gun. Miller looked up at the sound of his name and a smile that took Monty’s breath away graced his face.

“Hey, Monty,” he scooted over, making a spot for the standing boy. “I haven’t seen you here in a while.”

Monty sat next to him, their sides touching, and looked over at Miller. “Have you been coming here a lot?”

Miller shrugged, the movement vibrating against Monty’s shoulder. “Yeah, kind of. Gives me a place to think. I’ve been hoping to see you. I know you came here a lot.”

The smaller boy paused for a few moments, replaying the words in his head. 

_I’ve been hoping to see you. I’ve been hoping to see you. I’ve been hoping to see you._

“Uh, yeah- I don’t know. Haven’t needed to think that much, I guess.” 

“We haven’t spoken, in a while.” Miller said, and Monty’s eyebrows were furrowed and his hands were tightly clasped together, but he still tried to remain calm.

It didn’t feel right, sitting here with Miller, sitting so close with their sides touching and faces inches apart. He had a boyfriend. This shouldn’t be appropriate. 

But it did. It felt so right when Miller leaned into Monty, only slightly but still so noticeable to the latter. It felt right when their hands skimmed each other when they accidentally moved at the same moment, but it didn’t feel like an accident at all. It was right, Monty knew. And he hoped that Miller knew, too.

“I’ve missed you.” Miller spoke, again.

It was quiet, like a whisper, almost. But, Monty could here it. He was meant to.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updates in a while, school's been keeping me busy! I'll try to update again soon, but, for now, enjoy this chapter of cuteness :)

Monty nor Miller mentioned what the latter had said at the tree a few days beforehand. They’d hung out more, sometimes alone and sometimes with Bryan. Monty minded, of course, that Bryan was around so much. What was expected, though? He was Miller’s _boyfriend,_ for god’s sake. Monty could handle it. He was fine. He was _fine._

Bellamy noticed, that they were together more. He’d stare at Monty with pity and at Miller with— _something_ that Monty couldn’t decipher.

A month passed, now, and rain always trickled from cloud-filled skies in the November month. Monty wore fluffy winter jackets with fur-rimmed hoods and Miller always wore the beanie that Monty loved so much. Everything was fine. 

The first snow came, and Monty’s mother cried at the beauty of the white-coated Earth, saying how she wished his father could have seen it. Monty didn’t reply. The children ran around camp with red noses and chapped lips, and they pushed each other into the cold ground too many times for Monty to count. 

Monty himself was clad in a thin gray sweatshirt, all of the three winter jackets he had being worn by Monroe, Harper, and his mother. He tried to hide his shivers as he walked in the brisk air, but to no avail. 

“And what do you think you’re doing?” Monty could recognize Miller’s voice immediately, and he turned towards him with a sheepish smile. 

“I don’t know. What am I doing?” Another gust of wind passed by his face, and he scrunched his nose up. 

“You look freezing, Monty,” Miller chastised lightly. He checked the safety on his gun and tucked it into his pants before reaching up to take his hat off. 

“And what do you think _you’re_ doing? Keep your hat on, you’re on guard duty.” Monty was thankful that his cheeks were already red from the cold air, because Miller couldn’t have been able to tell that he blushed slightly. 

Miller shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. “Oh well. We don’t need our best engineer getting sick now, do we?” He pulled his hat off of his own head and pushed it atop Monty’s head and over his eyes. He pulled it up just the slightest bit and smiled, only a small quirk of the lips. “There we go.” His hands still held Monty’s face-- _oh god_ \--and the smaller boy started to smile, too.

“And what about our best shot?” Monty said quietly, almost as if he spoke any louder, the moment would be broken.

“Eh, I’m sure Bellamy will be fine,” a smirk formed on Miller’s face and Monty laughed, mockingly rolling his eyes.

“You and I both know he isn’t the best shot in this camp.”

__

Miller’s fingers fiddled with the end of the beanie, and he opened his mouth to speak when a shriek emerged instead, and he jumped back from Monty abruptly. A cackling Bellamy came into Monty’s vision behind Miller, and he realized that he didn’t notice when Bellamy crept up to shove snow down Miller’s shirt because he was so _focused_ on _Miller_.

“Fuck, Bellamy!” Miller yelled and reached behind his back to pull snow out of his collar.

It took a few seconds for Monty to process the scene in front of him, but when Miller tackled Bellamy into the snow-covered ground, he couldn’t help but start to laugh. Miller paused to look up at Monty, his own smile forming at the sight of Monty’s crinkling eyes and bright laughter. Bellamy, while lying under Miller, stared between the two of them with furrowed eyebrows.

“Hey,” he spoke up. “Where’s Bryan?” Monty’s smile twitched only faintly when the boy’s name was brought up, but he didn’t let it affect his mood this time.  
“He’s not feeling great, so he decided to stay in bed for the day,” Miller directed his attention back to Bellamy and sat up.  
“That’s too bad,” Bellamy said and sat up himself, looking at Monty. He felt the urge to glare at the oldest boy. He didn’t.  
“Yeah.”  
Monty noticed when Miller grabbed a handful of snow from the ground, though stayed quiet as he helped Bellamy stand with his other hand. When snow was thrown into Monty’s face instead, his mouth dropped open.  
He heard their laughs as he opened his eyes after wiping the snow from his face. “Nate!” He _squealed_ and picked up handfuls of snow himself, throwing them at the boy.  
White specks still littered from the sky above them, and Monty noticed how perfect Miller looked with rosy cheeks and chapped lips that just seemed so _kissable._ His moment of admiration was broken by Miller pushing him into the snow and falling on top of him. Monty’s breath escaped from him.  
“That wasn’t very nice,” he licked his chapped lips and Monty hated what it did to him.  
“Sorry,” he breathed out. He could feel his pants and thin sweatshirt growing wet, and his shirt, too, but he didn’t have a care in the world about that at the moment. And the only part of him that wasn’t getting soaked from the snow, was his hair. The beanie— _Miller’s_ beanie—still sat on his head, and Monty had only then remembered that it was there. “Uh, did you want your beanie back?”  
Miller shook his head, still on top of him. “No, you keep it. You look cute.”  
_Oh **god.**_  
A few seconds of silence passed as Monty and Miller stared at each other. Bellamy stayed quiet, too, watching the scene from where he stood with curious eyes. Monty opened his mouth to speak, but found no words.  
And then the arrows came.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it ;)

It was sudden, almost too quick for Monty to notice. The first arrow came from the north side of the woods, near the entrance of camp. He thought it was a bird at first, just as anyone would, and then he realized the red flare that he thought was feathers was not. It was fire. 

“Nate,” Monty murmured in shock, staring over the boy’s shoulder. “Nate!” He pushed Miller off of him, then, and sprung up. 

“What?” Miller was confused until he looked to where Monty was staring, and stood up himself. Several more arrows came, now, some on fire and some not. Bellamy was the last to look, and he immediately started off towards where the children of camp played in the snow. Monty and Miller ran after him, yelling at everyone to get inside.

A new set of arrows came now, from the east side where the three previously were, and they flew dangerously close to Monty’s head. Screams emitted from all parts of camp, from parents searching for their children and cries from the little ones. Monty saw an arrow strike right through a young girl’s chest, maybe ten years old, and he couldn’t bear to just leave her there to die alone. 

He ran to her side and knelt down next to her, Miller and Bellamy screaming behind him. “Monty, we have to go!” He ignored them and still sat by the girl, holding her hand as moans of pain left her mouth. Casey, he recognized her as. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”

Monty hated this; death surrounded him wherever he went. He had been safe in the sanctuary inside the metal walls that seemed to do them no good at this moment. There was  
no sanctuary, though. There was no _safe_ place on Earth. There was nowhere. 

The remaining breaths escaped her and she froze, her eyes clouding over. Monty sighed and reached over to close them. He tried not to think about how many times he’d had to do that. The world around him became a reality again and he saw so many children lying on the ground, the white snow turning red from blood. Bellamy and Miller grabbed as many children as they could, pushing them to the closest building, and the older children ran with smaller ones. More arrows came, and continued to come, and Monty couldn’t help but stare at all of the people dropping to the ground, helpless with flames bursting from their chests. 

Miller came to his side when no children were left, and Monty hated him for being so reckless to come back out to get him. Then again, Monty was out here alone in the first place. “Come on, Monty. We have to go.” He stood silently and followed after Miller. The two carefully maneuvered their way through bodies and blood and flaming arrows. Monty was too _everything_ to notice that Miller held his hand. 

And then Monty heard a cry. A faint one, that grew louder as the seconds passed. He turned his head towards where the children were previously playing, now several yards away from them, and ran like his life depended on it. Which, it wasn’t _his_ life that depended on it. It was the _child’s._

Monty waved off Miller’s screams with a, “Hold on!”, and dove into the snow when an arrow came whizzing past him. He crawled the remaining steps to the child. It was a small girl--about five years old, he would say—and luckily, she didn’t look injured. Monty breathed out a sigh of relief. The blonde girl looked over at Monty warily from where she lay burrowed in the snow. 

“Hi,” he spoke, softly, “do you want to come inside with us? I’m sure we can find your mommy and daddy.” He tried to focus on her, though it was hard when flames spewed from all around them.

“My mommy is dead,” she said, still crying, and Monty was growing antsy.

“What about your daddy, then? Let’s go find your daddy.” She nodded and Monty took her into his arms quickly. Miller stood by the door of the nearest building, anxiously staring at Monty.

Monty tripped over a fallen arrow, taking the girl down with him, and she began to cry harder. His ankle burned and he clenched his eyes shut momentarily. He lifted her onto her feet as he lied on the cold ground and yelled “Go!” while he tried to sit up himself. He stood slowly, his ankle inconveniently aching beneath him. He limped as fast as he could toward the door while Miller led the girl through the doors. 

Monty noticed Miller coming back out, for _him_ , and Monty didn’t get the chance to smile—internally, of course—when an arrow came from behind him. Miller shouted and Bellamy’s eyes widened when he came out to the doorway, and Monty didn’t see or hear any of it. 

His surroundings went quiet in his ears, the only sound audible being his heavy heartbeat. His eyes drifted downwards and he only lifted them again, sluggishly, to look at his right shoulder, where an immense pain was throbbing. An arrow tip, coated with _his_ blood, impaled his shoulder, and he was sure the other half of the arrow was visible from behind him.

His shoulder went numb after a few seconds, and he fell forward while his eyes closed. Miller yelled from above him, carrying him in his arms into the building where most of the children stayed, and Bellamy ordered the children to another room. 

Monty didn’t see any of it, though. He didn’t see the pain and worry in Miller’s eyes as he stared down at the boy in his arms. He didn’t see Bellamy hold a strong façade, when he was so close to breaking into a million pieces. He didn’t see the children’s horrified faces at the sight of him unconscious and bleeding with an arrow stuck through his shoulder. He didn’t see any of it, because he was in another world now. A world so black that he thought he was dead.

Monty was in a world _almost_ as black as the beanie that sat in a spot that held one of Monty’s best memories, and, now, one of his worst.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's finally updating! So sorry for the wait, but this is I think the longest chapter I've written and I personally like it a lot, so I hope you do too! Enjoy :)

Darkness consumed Monty from every direction, and silence engulfed him. He tried to move, but his feet wouldn’t seem to budge. A sudden burst of noise almost sent him jumping out of his own skin, but his feet glued to their place held his shock inside. 

A splurge of color appeared in front of him along with the noise, and he recognized it as a video. It was a memory, he realized, as the projection of sorts showed him and Jasper. Monty’s breath caught in his throat as he watched one of his most cherished memories play out in front of him.

_“You’re a dick!” Jasper’s laugh rang out behind Monty while he dodged fallen branches. The aroma of flowers filled the air from the glowing magnolias surrounding the two._

_The sound of rushing water sent Monty heading in another direction, and Jasper followed. Jasper saw Monty stop abruptly and nearly crashed into his back._

_“Woah,” Monty murmured and a smile graced his face as he stared at the giant waterfall in front of him. He began to strip immediately and Jasper followed._

_The two submerged themselves in the water and both of their laughter filled the air. “Earth is awesome!” Jasper yelled and Monty dove under again, mystified by the plants growing in the sand beneath their feet. He appeared in front of Jasper seconds later with a handful of shining weeds that looked anything but dingy and unwanted._

_“For trying to impress Octavia,” he winked and added, “key word, **trying**.”_

_“Oh, shut up,” Jasper said, but grabbed the plants from his hands anyways. “Thanks, but she’ll never go for me.”_

_“Hey, you never know. This is Earth. Anything could happen.” Monty’s eyebrows rose on his forehead and Jasper smiled lightly._

_“What about you? You need something to win Miller over with,” Jasper rose his eyebrows, too, and Monty rolled his eyes._

_“I’ve never even spoken to him, Jas. Don't be stupid.” At that, a wave of water came at Monty’s face, and he sputtered. “Hey!” He reciprocated with a splash back at his friend, and they both laughed as they tackled each other into the water._

Monty shook his head when everything around him went black again, and he tried to move towards where the image once was, but his feet still stood unmoving. He didn’t realize his eyes were wet until the darkness lit up once again and talking resumed.

_“Mommy!” Nine year-old Monty grinned up at his mother, and she smiled back down at him._

_“Yes, Monty, dear?”_

Her voice was soft, and Monty couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard such gentleness in her voice.

_“Do you love Daddy?”_

Monty’s heart broke just the slightest bit more when he realized what moment he was seeing.

_“Wha- of course I love Daddy. Why?” His mother asked, still softly, and she lifted Monty into her arms._

_“Kenzie from down the hall can’t live here, in Agro, anymore. Because her mommy doesn’t love her daddy anymore. She’s gonna live all the way in Mecha, now.” Monty’s voice was sad, now, and his mother looked down at him with the same emotion._

_“That happens sometimes. But I am always going to love Daddy, okay?”_

_Monty mumbled a small, “Okay.”_

_“And I am always going to love **you** , too, okay?” _

A smile graced her face, one so beautiful and real that Monty let a tear leak out of his eye.

_“I love you, Mommy,” Monty murmured into her neck where his head lay, and she rocked his small body gently._

_“I love you, sweetheart.”_

Monty’s surroundings again went dark, and he took the moment to compose himself. He didn’t want this anymore. He didn’t want to replay his most cherished memories, because it only proved to point out how different everything was. He wanted to go back to the time when he was just a child and was so naïve, or when they’d just gotten to Earth and he didn’t need to worry about his life being at risk, and when him and Jasper were _okay._

Another memory lit up in front of him only a few seconds later, and Monty couldn’t take it anymore.

“Stop. Stop! Stop, please,” his eyes watered and he so desperately wanted to fall onto his knees, though his limbs were still unmoving for the exception of his arms.

He could still see the memory through his blurry vision, and he suppressed a whimper when he noticed Clarke’s blonde hair.

_Monty sat against a rock, looking over the camp as he tried to tune out Jasper’s screams. The continuous cries halted all too quickly, and Monty’s heart dropped. He was too petrified to stand, too petrified to walk into the dropship and see his best friend lying on the floor, dead._

_He felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, his already-shaking body worsening. “Hey, hey,” he heard Clarke’s raspy but soft voice before he saw her face. He looked down at her hand still on his shoulder and shot away from her, falling into the dirt beneath him. “Hey, Monty, it’s okay, it’s okay.”_

_He continued to stare at her hand where dried blood coated the pale skin, and his breathing grew erratic. “Is he dead?” He asked, and his voice was so hoarse that he barely even recognized it when he spoke._

_“No, he’s not dead, Monty,” she sat down hesitantly next to him, and he tried to sit up straight again, cautious of her bloody hands. “He’s going to be fine.”_

_Monty’s head whipped around so fast that his eyes needed a second to catch up. “What?” He asked breathlessly, and he almost couldn’t believe his ears when she repeated the phrase._

_“He’s going to be fine.”_

_Monty let out a sob and clutched onto Clarke like a lifeline, like she was all he had left. Which, in actuality, wasn’t all that false. He had Jasper, sure, but he was practically on his death bed right now, and he had Harper and Monroe, but he barely knew them at the moment. Bellamy was… **something** , that Monty didn’t know whether to classify as friendship or not. And then there was Clarke, the always humble and kind and helping Clarke. She was the closest thing he had to family down here, when Jasper couldn’t be. She was it. _

_“Thank you,” he wept into her shoulder, and he didn’t give a second thought about her hands covered in Jasper’s blood that were cradling him right now. “Thank you.” His voice dwindled to a whisper as he repeated the two words over and over again until he was ready to let go a long while later._

_Monty felt her hands stroking his back as she silently held him. Her blonde hair provided a distraction for him while he twisted a strand around his finger for however long they sat on the cold ground. “Thank you,” he said one last time and he lifted his head from her shoulder._

_Humble as usual, she only hummed a small, “Mm,” before she smiled at him softly and stood. “Let’s go check on him.”_

Black. Darkness. Void. 

Monty didn’t know what to call it, but it returned once again when the memory ended. “Fuck,” he breathed in harshly, and wanted to scream when light glowed in front of him. As soon as the scene appeared in front of him, he immediately knew what it was and who it was with. Bellamy’s worry-free face stared back at him, an expression so rare nowadays that he couldn’t drag his eyes away. 

_“Bellamy!” Monty cheered when his eyes landed on the tall boy and held up his makeshift cup full of moonshine in acknowledgement, the strong drink sloshing over the sides of the cup._

_“Monty!” Bellamy cheered back with the same enthusiasm, finally allowing himself to have some fun after being so stiff for the minimum amount of time they’d been on the ground._

_“Have you tried any moonshine yet?” Monty yelled in his face and smiled goofily. He couldn’t help it. He’d always loved Unity Day on the Ark, and now the possibilities were endless down on Earth. Monty wanted to chase each glowing butterfly into the abyss of the forest and he wanted to run towards every rustle he heard in a bush. The excitement was almost **seeping** off him, he felt like, and he wanted to share it with everyone around him, **especially** Bellamy._

_“No, I can’t say I have,” he chuckled softly as he stared at the smaller boy bouncing on his toes._

_“Here!” Monty’s voice grew impossibly higher when he shoved the metal cup into Bellamy’s hands. “Have mine!”_

_“Oh, Monty, I probably shouldn’t-“_

_“Don’t you dare finish that sentence! Go have fun, okay?” Monty rambled quickly before running off again, probably to share his excitement with someone else._

Monty laughed softly, watery, as he remembered the memory, as he remembered the look of amusement on Bellamy’s face that used to come so naturally. He didn’t think he saw it at all, anymore.

The smile dropped from his face when another of his memories appeared, and he shook his head only slightly when he could hear his own voice in his ears.

_“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Jasper, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Monty repeated as tears welled up in his eyes and his hands were being gripped behind his back. He felt the cold metal of handcuffs encircle his wrists and he choked back a sob._

_“Stop apologizing, Monty,” Jasper said shakily, and as hard as he tried to hide it, Monty could see the tear run down his cheek. “We’ll be fine. We’ll be okay.”_

_“Silence!” One of the guards snapped bitterly and Monty tried to breathe evenly._

_“We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine,” Monty rambled and he couldn’t stop. He wanted to reverse time. He wanted to never take those herbs that would lead him to this spot. He wanted to never try drugs that first time so many months ago. He wanted to go back and do everything differently._

_The guards pushed both him and Jasper through the hallways, and he felt so many civilian eyes on him. The closest he could get to shrinking into nothing was slouching his shoulders as far as they could go, and he did exactly that. He kept his head down, trying not to look into the eyes of any citizens, guards, or even his best friend that was being dragged along next to him._

_He was thrown into a cell so quickly that he didn’t even get to take one last look to the outside of the isolation that he’d be held in for God knows how long. The door slammed shut behind him and he heard one of the guards say something among the lines of “fucking idiots wasting my time” before the metal door closed._

_Monty sighed and finally let a few tears stream, his sobs echoing in the small metallic room that suddenly made him feel claustrophobic. He leaned against the door and pushed against it with his back, hoping it would just give out and set him free._

_Monty was a good person, he’d like to think. He was a good student, never earning a grade below an A, and he never disrupted any classes. He’d been a shoo-in for every mechanical job he could’ve wanted, and he could’ve gotten out of Agro, away from all the plants and dirt and **things** that he didn’t love like he loved technology. And he’d gone and lost everything he’d ever earned and wanted just because he forgot to replace a few simple herbs. _

_Monty moved away from the door and settled for the bed on the opposing wall instead, and he noticed that the mattresses weren’t as soft as the ones back in his living quarters. He calmed himself down as much as he could, and he managed to stop his tears and erratic breathing._

_The door opened again a few minutes of silence later and Monty’s head whipped towards the loud creaking. A boy walked in with a cup of water that Monty didn’t want, but took anyway when the boy handed it to him. He took a good look at his face, and Monty tightened his grip on the cup at the realization that Nathan Miller stood in front of him._

_“Why are you here?” Monty’s voice was rough from sobbing, and he reluctantly took a sip of water from the cup._

_“Why are **you** here?” Nathan Miller retorted and Monty felt his eyebrows pull up slightly. _

_“I asked you first,” he said and he saw the boy’s lip twitch._

_“I’m training. Your turn.” He was very short with his words, Monty noticed._

_“I stole herbs from Argo. What are you training for?”_

_“Guard duty. Why’d you steal herbs?”_

_Monty knew his confession would only result in more punishment, but he didn’t have anything left to lose. “Drugs. What does this have to do with your training?”_

_“I have to know how to talk to prisoners,” Monty nearly rolled his eyes at the word but refrained when the boy spoke again. He almost didn’t notice that Nathan Miller **did** roll his eyes when he spoke the word. “What are the drugs for?”_

_Monty snorted. “What do you think?” His eyes still burned and his throat still felt like it was closing in on him, but he was glad for the small side conversation._

_The boy paused before holding out his hand. “Miller.”_

_“Monty,” he replied and took his hand, noticing the harsh texture of his skin. “And isn’t it Nathan?”_

_“Only my parents call me that. It’s Miller.” Miller let go of his hand and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall opposite Monty._

_“Mm, I think I like Nathan better,” Monty hummed and noticed a small quirk in the other boy’s eyebrow._

_“Why’d you do it?” He asked suddenly, his voice echoing against the metal walls._

_Monty sat, stunned at the question. Not because it was unexpected, but because he wasn’t sure he knew the answer. “I, uh, I,” he tried to find the right words and stopped for a second, regaining his thoughts. “I don’t know, really. Just liked the feeling, I guess. The thrill.”_

_Miller nodded quietly, and resumed his position of standing up straight. “Right.” He cleared his throat and Monty noticed him hesitate before speaking again. “Good luck, Monty.” And he turned around, opening the door and proceeding to step outside of the cell._

_Monty regained his composure quick enough to reply before Miller closed the door. “Thank you, **Nathan**. Good luck with your training.”_

_Miller flashed a smile at the boy that would be stuck in the cell for several months, and the metal door screeched shut behind him._

The memory faded into nothing and Monty found himself waiting for another one, another memory that he could hold onto, but nothing came. His surroundings remained dark and quiet, and he grew frustrated. What was he supposed to do now?

A burst of light came again and he barely recovered from the shock before several scenes flashed past him, whirring past his head and in front of him and behind him. He saw his most recent memories, of the first snow and the attack. He saw himself smiling with Miller, their faces hovering so close that he thought they could’ve kissed. He saw himself push Miller away and run to children. He saw himself helping them escape or holding their hand while they died. He saw Miller yelling at him and arrows landing around them, Monty’s ankle twisting and him struggling to save the last child. Every memory around him slowed, one being the most prominent. He watched an arrow strike through his shoulder and he fell to the ground. 

Silence and darkness came again as he felt an immense pain in his shoulder, the one where an arrow sliced through his skin. He crumpled down, finally being able to move his muscles, though they were of no use as he screamed in pain. 

“Monty?” He heard a voice somewhere around him, though no memory joined the sound. “Monty, are you there? Monty? Go get them, I think he’s waking up.”

Flashes of light flickered at the edges of the blackness around him, and he squeezed his eyes shut while pain still surged through his arm. He groaned and his chest burned, coughs spewing from his mouth and he grew breathless.

“Monty, hey, hey, hey. It’s okay, just try to breathe,” Monty was no longer surrounded by nothing, but felt a soft cushion under him and lights blinding his vision instead. 

“Wha-“ He tried to speak, though his coughing continued and he sat up. A more excruciating pain arose in his shoulder and he suddenly couldn’t breathe at all. 

“Monty, sit back, okay? Okay, okay, you’re fine. Drink this, here.” A cup of water was shoved into his hand and he lifted it to his lips groggily. He blinked his eyes, attempting to clear his vision, and he looked to his right. “Hey,” Bellamy smiled at him, Monty not bothering to reciprocate. He looked around the rest of the room, slightly disappointed to see no one else at his bedside.

“What happened?” Monty managed to get out, and Bellamy frowned.

“Ice Nation attacked and- well, you know the rest.”

“How many-“

A sudden noise instigated a gasp from Monty and his head turned to the entrance. “He’s awake?” He heard a frantic Nathan Miller before he could see him, but when he barged next to Monty’s bedside, he was definitely a sight. 

Miller’s face was tired, his eyes drooping from a lack of sleep, and his clothes were covered with dried blood. “Hey,” he smiled, the view igniting something inside of Monty that just screamed _relief._

“Hi,” Monty whispered, his voice still hoarse, and he was glad to be back in the real world.

He was glad to be back where his memories weren’t so vivid that they tore his heart apart with every second of remembrance, and where he didn’t have to revel in the ‘used to be’s. He could revel in the now.


	9. Chapter 9

The camp was in shambles.

It'd been three weeks since the attack, and everything had gone wrong. Pike, one of Monty's old school teachers, had taken control and become Chancellor, yelling about how all Grounders were the same, even after the camp found out that it was only the Ice Nation that attacked. Mount Weather was blown up along with most of Farm Station by Azgeda, and Gina was stabbed to death before she could get out. Before Bellamy could tell her how he felt. He felt guilty, now, lying to her all this time, and he was tearing himself apart. An army of Grounders was murdered, Bellamy right at the front of the line to slaughter them. 

Monty didn't know what was going on. His mother, of all people, was right behind Bellamy, ready to kill every Grounder in sight. And Monty was pulled along with that, having no say at all. He knew this wasn't right. He knew that all Grounders weren't the same. Lincoln had been imprisoned and so had several other Grounders. Miller was one of the guards pushing him into the cell.

Monty was confused. Miller, _Nathan freaking Miller,_ was not someone that would do this. He wasn't. Monty knew that. There had to be an explanation for it. Monty couldn't help but make excuses for him, that Miller would have to have a reason to do such a thing. Bryan sided with Pike. Maybe that was why. Miller was doing it for Bryan. 

But Monty knew Miller. He wouldn't do something so immoral for his boyfriend. But then again, Monty was doing the same thing for his mother.

And then Jaha was passing out chips for- what was it? the City of Light? Monty tried to pay no attention to that, considering that none of his friends had dared to go near the things. 

Monty was in medical, getting his shoulder checked out and trying to get away from all the drama, when Bellamy came in with a gash on his arm and blood streaked across his face that so obviously wasn't his. Monty didn't ask whose blood it was.

"Hey," he said instead, and Bellamy looked up, eyes tired.

"Hey. How's your shoulder?" He sat down on the cot across Monty.

Monty shrugged with his shoulder that wasn't in a sling. "Hurts." Bellamy only nodded back and Monty looked down at his lap as they both went quiet, unable to think with someone else's blood so clearly spread on his friend's cheek. 

"Alright," Abby walked into the room and went to Bellamy first. "What do you need?"

"Can you just stitch this up real quick? Pike needs me," Monty noticed Abby's smile drop slightly. 

Without any words spoken, she stitched him up and let him run off to where he thought he 'needed' to be. She turned around to face Monty, now, and replaced the bandage on his shoulder wound. 

"What are you doing, Monty?" Abby spoke, quietly, but she didn't look up from where she was focused on his wound. 

"What do you mean?"

"With Pike. What are you doing?" Monty's eyebrows furrowed. 

"Whose side are you on?" He asked, even quieter, and she looked up then. "I know Kane must be doing something. He's spoken out so many times against Pike. Are you and Kane doing something?"

Abby stared at him for a few seconds before resuming her attention to his shoulder. "I can't talk to you about this, Monty. You're loyal to Pike."

"We both know I don't want any part in this, Abby. I'm only involved because my mom dragged me into it," he waited for a response but it never came. "Abby, I need to know what's going on. What are you doing?"

She ignored his words. "I'm assuming you still have pain in your shoulder and arm. We still don't have the proper medical equipment after Mount Weather was blown up, so I can't do any further tests to determine how much permanent damage you'll sustain. Has anything happened with the arm? I know it's been in a sling, but when you take it off for bed or even while it's still in the sling. Tremors, pain?"

Monty pauses before sighing. "There's tremors, in my hand. It shakes so much that I wonder if I'll be able to work on mechanics again. My hand and arm hurts, too. And some of my fingers go numb sometimes." He spoke quietly, afraid that if he spoke too loud that he'd have to come to terms with not being able to use his hand, and he couldn't do that. Not yet. 

"You could get full function of your arm back, Monty," Abby spoke encouragingly but Monty shook his head. "You could get full function, you could get half, you could get none. I know it's been hard, dealing with this along with everything else. But you can't give up hope, okay?" He nods, not quite believing her words. "I'll give you some medication for now to dial down the pain and send you on your way."

She leaves the room and Monty takes the moment alone to steady his breathing. He could have hope. He was going to have hope.

He could try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Miller in this chapter, but I wanted to show a bit of what Monty was thinking about this and how he was feeling. Hope you liked it :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh so sorry for the late update and it's a really crappy one at that but I wanted to get something out, so enjoy!

"You're _bugging_ him?" Monty practically shrieked as he stood from his stool at the radio he was in charge of managing.

"Monty, you know that Miller is up to something against Pike. We just need proof, and this was the only way," Bellamy spoke and Monty almost threw the stool at his face, but he instead turned to Bryan. The boy was acting like nothing was wrong.

"What about you? You're fine with just betraying your boyfriend?" His heart burned at the last word, though Monty didn't back down from his harsh glare.

"It's my decision. We need to know before someone else does and acts on it," Bryan said, and Monty simply sat down on his stool, seething in anger.

And that was that.

********************

"Hey," Monty approached Bryan the next day. "Where did you put the bug?" He received a confused look in return and quickly recited the excuse he had made for himself. "I just want to make sure I'll be able to pick up voices well from where it was placed."

"Oh, okay. I put it in his guard jacket pocket."

"Great. That should work. Thanks," Monty gave a very fake smile and ran back to his post, listening in on any little sound he could hear, searching for Miller's voice the most on the radio. 

"I can't just sit around any longer, Kane. Innocent people are getting killed here," Monty heard the familiar rasp say and he slipped his headphones on to assure that no one else heard.

"I'm telling you, Nathan. We just need to wait until Abby finds more recruits. You know we're not strong enough to fight against Pike yet," Kane's voice jumped in.

"Why don't we just kill him and get it over with already," Monty could practically hear the eye roll in the voice, and he stiffened in his chair when he recognized who it was. _Harper._ God knows she could be the next one to be bugged.

Monty had to stop this now.

******************** 

Monty waited until nightfall to track Miller down. 

He left Bellamy to man the radios, making an excuse of wanting to get a snack. He waited until Miller was off guard duty and walking back to his quarters to ambush him.

Monty pushed Miller between two buildings with a gasp, and the taller boy moved to grab his gun, but Monty gripped his wrist with wide eyes. Miller turned to look at Monty and let his hand fall limp, but when he opened his mouth to speak, Monty quickly put his hand over his mouth.

Monty wordlessly reached his hand into Miller's jacket pocket and felt the small bug, and he pulled it out and crushed it between his fingers. "Okay," he whispered and pocketed the bug himself while Miller stared at his motions.

"Who- how did that get there?" Miller's voice shook the slightest bit, showing vulnerability that many people doubted he had. 

"Nate," Monty sighed, his breath creating fog in the air. 

"Monty, who put it there?" Miller's voice was hard, now, and Monty hesitated to speak.

"I'm sorry," It was Monty's turn to have a shaky voice, and Miller's eyes grew wide.

"It was _you_?" The betrayal in Miller's voice sent Monty reeling backwards, and then _he_ was feeling betrayal at the fact that Miller thought he would do such a thing.

"No! No, I would never!"

Their voices were getting louder, and Monty tried his best to calm both of them down. "Nate, Nate, listen to me. That doesn't matter right now. You-"

"It doesn't matter? It was Bryan, right? He bugged me? I think it matters that my _boyfriend of three years_ doesn't trust me, but no, no, it doesn't matter."

"Nate, please. I'm just trying to help," Monty pleaded and when he went to touch his arm, Miller wrenched away.

"I don't need your help," and he stormed off, taking Monty's heart with him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy :))))

It’d been two months since Monty told Miller about the bug, and everything was fine. The war with the Grounders had ended, the City of Light was destroyed, Monty’s mother was dead by _his_ hands, and Miller broke up with Bryan. Everything was fine.

Miller and Monty hadn’t interacted since the bug incident, with the exception of Monty drunkenly crying into Miller’s chest the night of his mother’s death. Neither of them spoke of it since, and Monty wasn’t even sure it actually happened. Monty's arm was healed, and he was able to still work with technology in spite of a few hand tremors and his always-sore shoulder. 

Everything was fine.

Of course, that didn’t stop Monty from waking up screaming due to the images of a bullet in his mother’s head and him pulling the trigger. He was mending, as was everyone else. Miller ended his relationship with Bryan after the war ended. The breakup occurred no doubt because of the bug Bryan placed, but when one night Monty strolled past their tent incidentally and heard yelling, he could’ve sworn he heard his own name dropped from Bryan’s mouth a few times.

These bad things, though, were largely overshadowed by the good. Abby and Kane made their relationship official, and Bellamy and Clarke were slowly but surely mending their friendship that could soon progress into something more, in Monty’s opinion. After a big scare with Monroe and some poisonous gas, her and Harper finally admitted their feelings to one another and they were the happiest they’d been in a long time.

Everything was fine. 

Monty was walking around camp, working to calm his mind, and he observed all of the good that he'd thought would never come. After all the hardships he and everyone else had faced through these long months on the ground, they were finally happy. Or, at least, getting there. Not everyone was okay, not everyone was happy, but Monty could admit that _he_ himself was fine. 

He wandered into the forest to a spot that he hadn’t been to in a while. It was _their_ spot. He didn't want to associate it with the bad that was happening, so he stayed away from this small sanctuary he had come to love while multiple wars raged on. But he was fine, Monty and Miller were fine–albeit the fact that they hadn’t spoken–and everything was fine. 

Monty could come here now and be happy. He was allowed to be happy, he had to remind himself every hour of every day. He sat back against the tree and admired the small view of camp he could see from their spot. A rustle of leaves a few minutes later turned his head to attention, and his breath escaped him when Miller came into view in his guard uniform. 

Miller stopped a few feet away from Monty, as if asking if he could sit, and Monty gave a small nod. Miller’s lips quirked up into a small smile. He sat down next to him, and their arms and knees and thighs touched. 

“I knew I’d find you here,” Miller said, softly, and Monty’s eyes widened in recognition of the words. He let out a loud laugh, scaring some birds in a tree near theirs. 

“You know me so well,” Monty replied, even softer, and the two boys shared smiles that were only meant for each other. 

And Monty knew _fine_ wasn’t the word for how he was feeling. It was something so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo..... I think next chapter is gonna be the end, guys! I'm sorry for the kind of abrupt ending, but I think I've kind of lost inspiration for this book and it's best that I finish while I can. See you one last time for the epilogue :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me I know this is so late. Buuuuuut, this is it, guys! I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> trigger warnings: very sexually suggestive

Lightning and thunder boomed from outside the tent, bringing bursts of light and noise through the thin walls. Monty sighed as he was awakened from his sleep and snuggled deeper into the blankets, but he was still cold and he was worried he was getting sick until he looked down at himself. He was naked. 

_Oh. So that **had** happened._

"Stop hogging the blankets," a voice grumbled and Monty swore his heart skipped a beat. 

"You were hogging them first."

He felt arms curl around his waist and pull him into another naked body, and he laughed. He turned in the person's grip and smiled up at a scruffy face.

"You need to shave," he rubbed his free hand across Miller's rough jawline. "I probably have beard burn _everywhere_."

"Good," Miller smirked and purposely rubbed his cheek with Monty's. He moved his lips down Monty's neck.

"Nate," Monty giggled and scrunched his nose. 

" _Sh_ ," Miller hushed him and proceeded to press kisses down Monty's body. 

"You shush. Come up here. I wanna see your face."

"You're such a dork," Miller teased, but lifted his head up to Monty's anyways. 

"Shut up," he laughed, cheeks reddening. Another lightning bolt lit up the tent. He sighed. "We should probably get up."

"And why would we do that?" Miller rested his hand on Monty's waist and creeped dangerously lower.

"Nate," Monty whined, exasperated. 

"I love you," Miller said with a wide smile, and Monty didn't know how anyone could ever think him cold. He was a giant teddy bear, in Monty's opinion. 

Monty caved. "Yeah, I love you, too."

If anything, Miller's smile grew impossibly bigger. "Good, which is why we are going to stay here, in bed, all day, and we are going to make love, all day. Okay? Okay."

Monty let out a loud laugh while Miller lowered his head back down Monty's body, and he let him. Because _God knows_ that Monty never had any will to resist this boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! It's done! I hope you had a fun journey reading this while I had fun writing it. I do have another Minty fic that you guys can follow me on while I continue crying over this ship. And if any of you would like, I would be willing to write little one shots for this book about moments you might want to read that weren't included in this, such as the night Monty's mom died or their first kiss, etc. If you have an idea about one, just leave a comment :) I also know I didn't put the lines in the description in the actual book, and I'm so sorry. I honestly completely forgot to slip them in somewhere, and, in my opinion, it's too late to go back and add them in somewhere. I promise it won't happen on any of my other books. 
> 
> So, I guess this is it, guys. Thank you for reading and for leaving comments and kudos. It honestly means the world to me. Feel free to tell me what you thought of this book once you finish! Peace out xx.


End file.
